The secret to great golf? Keep your head down, your backswing smooth, and your scorecard away from your playing partners.

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My accountant said I should diversify. So now I own three papers that lose money instead of one.

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A farmer walks into the bank in Kindersley and asks to see the loan officer. He sits down and says he needs to borrow $500 to buy a new pig.

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In the city, a traffic jam is six lanes of nobody moving. In a small town, it’s two grain trucks meeting on Main Street and the drivers rolling down their windows to catch up.

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Every team has the kid who scores all the goals, the kid who never gets off the bench, and the kid eating his mouthguard. Sometimes it’s the same kid.

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You know you’re rural when the weather report and the gossip both come from the same woman at the till.

Every small town has two important buildings. The church and the rink. One saves your soul. The other tests it.

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My granddaughter said she’d teach me TikTok. Three hours later we were still arguing about what a hashtag is for.

I finally figured out the cloud. It’s just somebody else’s computer with my photos on it.

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I’m at the age where my mind still thinks I’m 25, my humour thinks I’m 12, and my body thinks I’m dead.

My doctor told me to cut back on caffeine, so I switched to a smaller mug and lied about it. We’ve been very happy together ever since.

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Some people run on ambition. I run on caffeine and spite, and frankly, both seem to be working.