It's so hot...
I saw a bird pull a worm out of the ground with an oven mitt.
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Funny Business: Take the summer off
Why did the espresso machine take the summer off? It was totally burnt out.
Funny Business: Self-propelled lawn mower
A man proudly told his neighbour, “I finally bought one of those self-propelled lawn mowers.” “How do you like it?” “It’s fantastic.” “It saves you that much work?”
Funny Business: Scarecrow Wins Award
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Funny Business: A guy walks into a specialty coffee shop
A guy walks into a specialty coffee shop on the hottest day of the year, sweating through his shirt, and orders the biggest iced coffee that they make. He takes one sip, sighs, and says…
Funny Business: A degree in optimism
My diploma says I have a degree in English Literature. My bank account says I have a degree in optimism.
Funny Business: The Secret to Great Golf
The secret to great golf? Keep your head down, your backswing smooth, and your scorecard away from your playing partners.
Funny Business: Accountant Says Diversify
My accountant said I should diversify. So now I own three papers that lose money instead of one.
Funny Business: Farmer's Bank Loan
A farmer walks into the bank in Kindersley and asks to see the loan officer. He sits down and says he needs to borrow $500 to buy a new pig.
Funny Business: Small Town Traffic Jam
In the city, a traffic jam is six lanes of nobody moving. In a small town, it’s two grain trucks meeting on Main Street and the drivers rolling down their windows to catch up.
Overheard at The Bean: Hockey is the Best
Every team has the kid who scores all the goals, the kid who never gets off the bench, and the kid eating his mouthguard. Sometimes it’s the same kid.