Funny Business: A degree in optimism
GRADUATION
My diploma says I have a degree in English Literature. My bank account says I have a degree in optimism.
Twelve years of school and they hand you a piece of paper. Twelve weeks of not returning library books and they send a collections agency. Priorities.
They told us these were the best years of our lives. So that’s why you’re crying at graduation? Same.
The valedictorian finished with a 4.0 GPA. The rest of us finished with a 4.0 on the Dairy Queen menu.
LAST DAY
Today is the last day teachers have to pretend they like us. It is also the last day we pretend to understand fractions.
The janitor is the only one who will miss us. Mostly because we kept him employed.
We turned in our textbooks today. They were still in the original packaging.
SUMMER
Summer reading list: zero books, 47 TikToks about books, one movie based on a book. Close enough.
My summer job application asked for previous work experience. I wrote “group projects” and moved on.