Quick Jokes: Drawing Blood

• I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood. I guess they didn’t want me to use crayon.

• British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough! You should use an ashtray.

• I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.

• I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she’d show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

• If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who. If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.

• For a while, the magician Houdini used a trap door for every show he did. It was just a stage he was going through.

• This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture. I told her that I am looking for matches.

• I can’t stand people that overlay pictures on other pictures. They’re super imposing.

• The National Origami championship is on television tonight. It’s on paper view.

• Studies show that more Americans watch television than any other household appliance.

• I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books. I don’t know why. I guess they just really speak to me.