Pipeline Online: Tips for Rednecks
BY BRIAN ZINCHUK
www.pipelineonline.ca
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good their manners are.
Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
Refrain from talking to characters on TV. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Never take a beer to a job interview.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
For a wedding, the groom should at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. And, though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.