Lots of PUN: Six Figures

  • Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

  • I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. “No,” I said. “It’s to look at.”

  • When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

  • My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

  • A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.

  • Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time.

  • Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I’m just asking for a friend.

  • Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

  • I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn’t come with a driver. I can’t believe I have nothing to chauffer it.

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Super Crossword: American Cinema

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Salome's Stars: July 17