Funny Stories: Golf Frog

A man was playing golf one sunny afternoon when he hit his ball into a pond.

As he approached the water to retrieve his ball, he noticed a small frog sitting on a lily pad.

To his surprise, the frog spoke up and said, “Excuse me, sir, but I’m not actually a frog. I’m a beautiful princess under a curse. If you kiss me, I’ll transform back into my true form, and I’ll be forever grateful.”

The man, startled, picked up the frog and put it into his pocket. As he continued playing golf, the frog called out, “Hey, didn’t you hear what I said? I’m a princess! Please, if you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a princess!”

The man replied, “Sorry, but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.”

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Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” Answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.

“I don’t remember.”

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A guy is golfing by himself and shanks a ball hard.

He yells, “God dam* it all to h*ll!”

St. Peter hears him and asks God, “Aren’t you going to do anything about that?”

God says, “Yep.”

Next hole is a long par five over water ending in a dog leg. The guy tees up and crushes the ball. It hits the water, but just as it does, a turtle surfaces. The ball bounces off the turtle’s shell and gets another hundred yards. Just as it’s about to stop rolling, a squirrel runs over and grabs the ball before being immediately snatched by a gorgeous red tail hawk. The hawk flies him off and just over the green the squirrel drops the ball. The ball hits the green, rolls and falls in the hole.

Most amazing par five hole-in-one in history.

St. Peter, astonished, says, “You call that punishment?”

God replies, “Yep. There was nobody around to see it.”