Funny One Liners: Identity Theft

• I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. “No,” I said. “It’s to look at.”

• When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

• My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

• A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly. And as you can see, they were Wright.

• I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.

• Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time.

• I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

• A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, “It’s a moving violation.”

• I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

• I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn’t come with a driver. I can’t believe I have nothing to chauffeur it.

• What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.