Funny Business: Valentine's Day Jokes

• Where do you find love in a grocery store? Aisle B...there for you.

• How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day? If it’s love at first bite.

• Did Adam and Eve ever have a first date? No, they had an apple.

• What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium? Guppy love.

• What did the man say to his banker on February 14? “You’ve caught my interest.”

• What did the painter tell his girlfriend? “I love you with all my art.”

• Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll dessert you.

• What did the paperclip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”

• What did the gardener say to their date? “I dig you.”

• What’s Cupid’s favorite band? Kiss!

• What did the cucumber say to the pickle? “You mean a great dill to me.”

• What did the scientist say to her Valentine? “I think of you periodically.”

• What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “Tonight, dinner’s on me.”

• What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? “You’re purr-fect.”

• What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re one in a melon!”

• What did one triangle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re acute.”

• Where do all the hamburgers take their dates on Valentine’s Day? To the meat ball.

• What did the chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche.

• How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.