Funny Business: NO DOGS ALLOWED
There’s a big hole in a street that caused many accidents and several deaths. The mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighbourhood to discuss solutions for this problem.
The first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident happens the victims can be transported to the hospital and avoid fatalities.
The second points out that there may be a scenario where a big accident happens while the ambulance is busy transporting victims of another accident, and he suggests to put 10 ambulances instead of just one.
The third interrupts and raises concerns about the prices of gas and how building a hospital next to the hole would cost less in the long run.
That’s when the mayor interrupts them and tells them that such solution is very expensive, and instead he decides to fill the hole and dig it back in front of the town’s hospital.
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Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”
The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, “Were you the one being robbed?”
The man casually replies, “No, I committed the robbery.”
The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. “So you’re telling me you were speeding... AND committed a robbery?”
“Yes,” the man calmly says. “I have the loot in the back.”
The cop begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.
“Don’t do that!” the man yells fearfully. “I’m scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says.
The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, “Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”
The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”
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Two guys are at the store, one old and one young. They are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s okay, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too!
I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom, wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?”
The old guy replies, “Doesn’t matter ... let’s look for yours.”
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Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they see a restaurant. They’re pretty hungry, so they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says “NO DOGS ALLOWED”.
The man with the doberman says “I know what to do, just follow my lead.” He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs here.” The man says “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m blind and this is my guide dog.”
“A doberman for a guide dog?” The waiter asks, skeptical.
“Yes.” The man replies. “Dobermans are very loyal. They’re easy to train and protective too. They’re born for the job.”
The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table.
The second man, excited by this idea, throws on his sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs here.” The man says “Oh, you don’t understand. I’m blind and this is my guide dog.”
“A chihuahua for a guide dog? Really?” The waiter asks.
“A chihuahua?” The man exclaims. “They gave me a chihuahua?!”