By Angela Clement
Several people have recently raised concerns around a particular theme lately, and yesterday it came up again while talking to a new friend. When this kind of repetition happens it often means there is something I need to have a closer look at. So, I decided to do what I do best and write about it.
There are times when loving someone asks us to examine the difference between caring and carrying. We worry about those we love and want them to be healthy, happy, and secure. We offer advice, encouragement, and support because we want the best for them. But what happens when they don't make the choices we would make?
Perhaps someone isn't taking care of their health, is working too hard, or is struggling with something we wish we could fix. Or perhaps we watch the news, see suffering around the world, and feel deeply for those whose lives have been turned upside down.
We want to help, but sometimes the weight of it all becomes so heavy that we lose our own sense of peace. Caring can quietly turn into carrying. We begin to feel responsible for things beyond our control. When we continually carry others without looking after ourselves, exhaustion and resentment can eventually set in.
When I was in Bali, I connected with a deity called Quan Yin, known in Japan as Kannon. She is widely associated with kindness and compassion, inspiring me to look more closely at what it means to be compassionate and how that is very different from being empathetic.
Empathy is the ability to recognize and feel into another person's emotional experience. We connect with their pain, fear, sadness, or joy. While empathy helps us understand others, continually absorbing their emotions can become exhausting.
Compassion takes this understanding a step further. It invites us to support and empower someone without taking over their journey. Sometimes that means offering a helping hand; other times, it means listening, encouraging, or simply being present. It is about walking beside someone rather than carrying them, and at the same time remaining mindful of our own energy.
I pulled two oracle cards from the Angel Wisdom Tarot by Radleigh Valentine, and together they offered an interesting perspective. The Queen of Water represents compassion, empathy, intuition, and emotional generosity. These are beautiful qualities, but we can become emotionally exhausted when we forget our own needs. We can love our children without controlling their choices, support a partner without becoming responsible for their health, and care about the world without carrying every tragedy in our hearts.
The Wise Counselor invites us to recognize where our responsibility ends and another person's begins. We each have our own journey, make our own choices, and learn our own lessons. We can share our wisdom and offer support, but we cannot make someone else's choices for them. Together, these cards remind us to keep our hearts open while using wisdom and discernment to recognize what is ours to carry.
I was also reminded of the Serenity Prayer, which perhaps offers us the greatest wisdom: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
When we cannot change a situation, perhaps the most loving thing we can do is release our need to control the outcome and send love instead. We can hold someone in our thoughts and prayers, wishing them peace, joy, happiness, and the strength to find their own way forward. We must also hold space for ourselves and the emotions that arise when we worry or fear what might happen. Rather than allowing fear to consume us, we can consciously return to a place of love—for them and for ourselves.
There is tremendous power in that energetic space. It can quiet our fears, restore our peace, and remind us that we can care deeply without carrying everything beyond our control. Rest assured that the ripple effect of sending loving, healing energy into the world or directly to our loved ones is powerful and reaches much further than we will ever know. Sending you love! angela@healingenergy.world
Angela Clement