Remembering When: Stuff my dad said
By Keith Schell
My late father was a common-sense country person who grew up on a farm. No one ever had to tell him "where the bear sits," if you know what I mean. With a firm belief in hard work, a strong sense of right and wrong, and a rural sense of humour, his down-to-earth approach to life gave rise to some very unforgettable sayings that stuck with his young sons for the rest of their lives. These are some of his more profound sayings that I remember:
"YOU'VE GOT A HEAD COLD? IT ATTACKS THE WEAKEST PART!" Yeah, thanks, Pop. As a sensitive kid growing up, I didn't particularly appreciate my father saying this to me when I was sick. This was one of those times when I wished that dad was more like Ward Cleaver than who he actually was. But with age, wisdom, and understanding, I now get where he was coming from, and I chuckle when I think about the comment these days.
"UP AND AT 'EM! DAYLIGHT ON THE SWAMP!" Being a country person, Dad kept farmer's hours all his life. Always up with the sun every morning, he went to bed around 9 p.m. every night if there was nothing to detain him. His three sons, however, were not inclined that way. Like most young people, my two younger brothers and I tended to be night owls, while Dad was an early bird. When Dad needed us for a chore that had to be done first thing in the morning on a weekend, this was what he would yell at us as he pounded on our bedroom doors to roust us from our slumber.
"HE WENT TO SCHOOL TO BE A WIT AND GOT HALFWAY THROUGH!" Raised on a farm with country common-sense values, my father did not suffer fools gladly. This was his way of expressing disdain for someone he felt wasn't using the good sense God gave them.
"NOTHING TO SAY!" Most of the time, Dad was a man of few words. If he had something to say, he'd say it. If not, he wouldn't. Many times over the years when I phoned home and Mom answered, she would ask Dad if he wanted to talk to me. I could usually hear Dad in the background saying this to Mom. But if he had something to tell me, he'd take the phone, and we'd have a chat. I smile at the memory now.
"EVERYTHING AROUND A PIG'S (BUTT) IS STILL PORK!" One night while the family was eating pork chops for dinner, we began to question what parts of the pig were edible and where the pork chops came from. While this wasn't the most appetizing thing to discuss around the dinner table, this was Dad's contribution to the conversation. Dad grew up on a farm, so you knew he was right.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE NICE TO OLD PEOPLE; WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE THERE SOMEDAY." Ever loyal to his beloved dog to the very end, Dad often said this to the rest of the family as he helped his lame old dog up onto the couch so she could rest her weary bones.
"IF I WAS ON A DESERTED ISLAND...AND I WAS STARVING...AND SOMEONE OFFERED ME A PLATE OF THIS...I WOULD EAT IT." Mom would occasionally ask Dad how he liked the dinner she had prepared that night. If Mom had made something new that Dad didn't particularly care for, this was his comically tactful way of saying so. That said, Dad really didn't want to hurt Mom's feelings, so he would usually eat it anyway. Waste not, want not, right?
"NO MAN SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT MORE THAN ONCE!" When Mom and Dad originally got married, Dad was a very nervous groom. One time, Mom suggested they renew their wedding vows for a special anniversary, but Dad flatly refused, and this was his reason. That always made Mom chuckle when she told the story later. Still, being sensitive to Mom's feelings, Dad found another nice way to celebrate their anniversary that year.
I realize the title of this column may not be grammatically elegant, but saying it like that makes it feel more like something our father would have said. Dad could be quite profound at times in his down-to-earth wisdom, country sense of humour, and rural common sense.
And the memories of all the things he said to us growing up just make us feel his absence more keenly in the present.
(Miss you, Dad. Happy Heavenly Father's Day!)