Remembering When: A young girl’s strength of character

By Keith Schell

Sometimes the right thing to do is not the most popular thing to do. But if you have the strength to say “no” to something you know is wrong, you’ll ultimately be able to live with yourself long after the moment has passed.

It might feel good in the moment to cave in and say “yes,” but it could be something you regret for the rest of your life—especially if you knew it was wrong and sensed you were being manipulated by someone pretending to be your friend.

If you have the courage to say “no,” it may feel bad at the time, but down the road you will feel good in your heart for the rest of your life for knowing you stood firm when it mattered most.

One of the hardest places to do this is on the playground. When these situations happen to young children in this setting, the feelings are new and can be especially difficult to sort out, particularly when they’re put on the spot and pressured by other kids for an immediate response.

One of my cousins was one of the more popular girls in her public-school class, but her mother always made sure she was raised with strong values and a down‑to‑earth attitude. My cousin always had plenty of friends and always made a point of including some of the less popular students she liked in her social circle—much to the annoyance of a small handful of her snobbish, cliquey “cool” friends.

And because of the way she was raised, one day on the playground she had the strength of character to stand up to peer pressure and do what was right.

When my cousin was having a birthday party and was handing out party invitations at recess, she included some of the less popular kids she genuinely liked. Her decision to invite one unpopular girl in particular did not sit well with one of her snobbish friends.

Supremely confident in her status as one of the “cool” kids in the class, this cliquey friend tried to manipulate the situation. When she received her invitation, she tried to invoke peer pressure and told my cousin she wouldn’t come to the party if that one unpopular girl was invited.

Unfazed by the attempted power play, my cousin didn’t argue. She didn’t plead. She didn’t try to negotiate her guest list to keep the peace. She simply shrugged, said “Okay”, took the invitation back, and handed it to someone else. The snobbish girl stood there stunned, suddenly stripped of the power she thought she had.  The less popular girl—my cousin’s friend—was deeply touched by this display of loyalty. Wanting to improve her own social standing, she proudly went around the playground that recess telling everyone she had been invited to a popular girl’s birthday party.

One of my cousin’s teachers witnessed the exchange on the playground that day. At the next parent‑teacher night, moved by my young cousin’s strength of character, the teacher took my aunt aside and quietly said to her, “I want to commend you on the way you’re raising your daughter.”

While difficult to achieve at times, strength of character is essential in today’s high‑pressure world. It can be tough to say “no” in the face of modern peer pressure but standing up and refusing something you know in your heart is wrong can save you from a lifetime of regret.

If you cave in and say “yes” to something you know is wrong, it might feel good in the moment, but you will feel bad later because deep down, you’ll know it was the wrong choice.

But if you say “no” when it matters, you might feel bad at first, but you will feel good later—and for the rest of your life—because you’ll know in your heart that you did the right thing when it counted the most.

As we all know, doing the right thing in the heat of the moment can be very difficult. But sometimes the hardest “no” becomes the one you’re proudest of years later.

And it always feels right in the end.

Keith Schell