Penton: It’s officially spring: Masters week is here
By Bruce Penton
For many casual sports fans, this is the week they start paying attention to golf. It’s Masters Week at Augusta, Ga., and this year’s edition offers up a number of intriguing questions. Such as:
Considering the last two Players’ champions went on to win the Masters in the same year (Scottie Scheffler in 2024; Rory McIlroy in 2025), should the Green Jacket tailors seek Cameron Young’s measurements and get an early start?
Did the recent traffic accident suffered by Tiger Woods officially eliminate any chance that he would one day make a comeback at the Masters, where he has won five times?
Will a golfer playing in the Masters for the first time win in his debut, joining the late Fuzzy Zoeller in 1979 as the first player to do so since 1935?
Is it true that CBS pipes in recorded bird-chirping sounds during their broadcasts?
Do patrons (as fans are called in the hoity-toity world of Augusta National) really get kicked off the course if they’re caught running?
If not Scheffler or McIlroy, the two favourites to win almost every Masters, who will be crowned champion on Sunday?
Perhaps one of the young guns who have been who have been showing their talent during the first few months of the 2026 season, like Jacob Bridgeman, Akshay Bhatia, Chris Gotterup or Ludvig Aberg?
How about another Canadian winner, joining 2003 champ Mike Weir?
Who would be the most logical Canuck to win this year? — Corey Conners, Nick Taylor or Weir — the only Canadians in the field?
Is four top 10s in the last six years evidence enough to suggest Conners would be Canada’s best bet?
Will the PGA Tour’s youth movement — eight of the first 11 tournaments in 2026 were won by golfers in their 20s — continue at Augusta National?
Would 20-something Akshay Bhatia, a left-hander on a course made for lefties, look good in a Green Jacket?
How long can the Masters committee continue to sell its famous pimento cheese sandwich for $1.50, the same price it has been since 2002?
Is the best hole on the course, the par-5 13th that has Rae’s Creek running in front of it, becoming outdated now that the game’s big hitters are going into the green with a lofty iron for their second shot?
While Augusta National Golf Club is flush with millions of dollars today, and the tournament generates around $150 million annually, did you know that the club’s financial situation was so dire in the 1930s that 17 members had to chip in to cover the purse to pay its first winner, Horton Smith?
Did you know that off the four major golf championships, the Masters is the only one to use the same course every year?
Will attending the Masters, for even one day, be one of this writer’s bucket list items that will never be realized?
Super 70s Sports: “I wish John Daly had won the Masters just once so we could’ve seen his Champions Dinner menu … Appetizers: Cigarettes and gas station nachos; First course: Bucket of casino shrimp; Main course: White Castles; Dessert: Peanut M&M’s.”
Comedy guy Torben Rolfsen of Vancouver, suggesting the replacement for NHL commissioner Gary Bettman be a Canadian: “Radical, I know. That’s like putting a German in charge of Octoberfest.”
Tampa Bay Lightning coach Jon Cooper, on the secret to success of an NHL coach: “My wife (Jessie) sums it up in three things: Having an understanding wife, a loyal dog and one hell of a goalie.”
Comedy guy Torben Rolfsen of Vancouver: “The NHL announced the draft lottery would be held May 5, Cinco de Mayo. Or in the Canucks’ case, Sinkhole de Mayo.”
Headline at fark.com: “Tiger Woods driving skills: World class on the fairway, terrible on the roadway.”
Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: “Have to ask. Has Trump presumptively pardoned Tiger yet?”
Humorist Brad Dickson of Omaha: “According to the National Transportation Safety Board 20 per cent of all vehicle accidents in the United States in the past five years involved Tiger Woods.”
Jack Finarelli of sportscurmudgeon.com, after reporting that Phillies’ Alec Bohm is suing his parents for defrauding him and mismanaging his money (career earnings $27 million): “Don’t worry about passing the cranberry sauce in late November here …”
Headline at the onion.com: “Office NCAA Bracket Marks Yearly Interaction With Coworkers”
Another fark.com headline: “The Pope’s favourite baseball team opens the season with a 14-2 beatdown by the Brewers. The White Sox don't have a prayer, do they?”
Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun: “How much has Mitch Marner made the Vegas Golden Knights better? This will be the first season in Knights history where the franchise loses more games than it wins.”
Care to comment? Email brucepenton2003@yahoo.ca